Translucent-Ironies

January 31, 2011

Pause

im just in love with my class tee. seriously, its so nice! we are so VIVACIOUS. heeeeee.

okay, had training on saturday. this is like, almost our last chance to brush up before our final match which decides whether are we in the top 4. i want this real bad. and i wont let my teammates step down so easily until CCAs stand down. i will fight this battle all i can, and i believe that they wont let me do this alone. and for some, who are dying to step down, then im sorry in advance because that wont be so easy. stumbled across a blog today. a teammate's. honestly, i dont usually go to this blog, but something triggers me to visit it. so i saw a few paragraphs that totally disgusts me. being a part of this team, is the best thing you can ever get in your secondary school life. well, i believe so. and if you dont, you shouldnt even say that its a torture. it was your choice joining this team. your choice playing this sport. and you dont come here and just destroy everyone's dream. my dream. anyways, i wont be saying much now. maybe after nationals. i think i cant hold it any longer.

had lunch at MosBurger at CausewayPoint with Xinpei. and seriously, why must it be located somewhere so open! its right beside the taxi stand, and felt so exposed! LOL. while Xinpei was queuing to order, i went over to the watson's sale beside. omg. everything is just so cheappppp! bought a few stuff, and the most exciting one, CADBURY CARAMELLO!

sunday morning rain is falling. yes. it was raining! and the sky just wont be any brighter. i thought it was like 7am when sun starts to rise. but hell no, it was 10am, and its not even bright. so it was raining. what a lazy sunday. and guess what. despite having so much homework, i was watching Tangled online. did a few qns of Chemistry and Amaths, went out to get some stuff at causeway point, yes, the CADBURY CARAMELLOS. i think its 5 cents more expensive than the other places, but caramellos arent available everywhere. so i guess 5 cents aint much. heeeee. i finished the bar i bought on saturday already. :( came home and dine on a packet of maggi mee, watching the Bee Movie. and followed by Alice In The Wonderland. omg? 3 movies in one day? when i have a pile of work to do. goshhhh.

Monday bluesssss. i was struggling to stay awake in class today. especially Amaths. i cant follow the lesson! understood, but i dont know whether can i do it again. LOL. went to the library, wanted to watch upper secondary classes participating in taboo. well, end up being a participant. well, didnt regret it. it was fun and exciting. especially when Alphonsus is there. so yea, Alphonsus, Diviyanth, Esther, Syarafina and me. and seriously, i want to kill Germaine. i really dont understand whyyyyyy. she's always disturbing our class while we were guessing the words. and gave us false alarm, told us to stop, when other classes havent. fair? omg. i havent be so against Germaine before. i mean, until i come and post about it. HAHA. anyways, we got third place, 4-1 was the first, and 4-2 second. well im quite satisfied. :) walked home, because the rain stopped! haha.

so, im going off now, gotta complete the rest of my homework and do some complicated Amaths revision. goodbye.

January 28, 2011

Despondent

greetings to all my readers. whether there are any.

so i totally flunk my physics the other day. i learnt the formulas but all the definitions came out. so hopeless. so i came home, studying for Emaths test. tuition at 7.30. learnt all about number patterns. and guess what, none of it were any close to number pattern. and the one i hated most came out, cumulative frequency, like alot okay. tbt!

training yesterday for me was awful. i hated self training the most. its like, im not important, yknow. i hate this feeling. and i hated my performance yesterday. i got angry with everything. but i started throwing tantrums only after someone added salt and pepper into it. so i was pissed throughout the training. i cried. i havent overcome that emotion barrier after all. what a failure. so i walked home, being pissed. reached home, my room was too clean. the shelves were empty. my books were gone. it was actually in boxes under the bed. even more pissed. all my sec 4 books are everywhere under the bed. this makes me want to move out of this place so badly. so sissie isnt here in Singapore anymore. slept alone for the first time, different feeling. i really dont know how long am i going to be able to live like this.

woke up this morning. sissie isnt beside me anymore. went to school. and yea, ive gotten my YOG certificate! with my name printed on it an recognizes me as an ARTIST FOR THE OLYMPIC WALK TREE PLAQUE MOTIF. i just feel proud of myself because this is not any ordinary certificate. it was given by MOE! not just a school certificate. its something BIG.

struggled to stay awake during Chemistry. seriously, i slept my normal sleeping time. but i wasnt a least bit sleepy during physics. whoa? so different from last year. i was always sleepy in physics class but so attentive during chemistry. haha. recess, and off to PHS. played against PHS today. i obviously couldnt hold my hope too high that we will win, but all i wanted was to perform well. it wouldnt be strange that we lose to them. after all, they are a volleyball niched school. the first half of the first set went really well. we were following them by 2-4 points until they reached 20 i guess? and all of a sudden, the 2-4 points gone up to 7-8 points, and they won. the second set, i really wanted a better score. but i felt like the harder i try, the harder i could earn each point. i was feeling really hopeless. despondent. i received all the out balls, and let the in balls drop to the floor. what is wrong with me?

coach pull me out 3 points before PHS won. 22. i was starting to cry. and PHS won. shook hands. i wasnt angry at them at all. i was actually happy for them. i think i idolize Huitien. her spikes were so pretty. her arm swing was so fast, her jump was so high. like duh, thats why she's in combined school. so we lost, i cried. i suck, i should die. nobody cried. only me.

went back to school, my eyes were still red from the crying. but after going back to class, i was extremely happy. i was so glad that these people are my classmates. they can make me laugh even when im at my lowest. where can you find people like this in the world? went distributing oranges to the assigned block. Chaoyi and i did second floor, with only 6 bags of oranges. and there were like 12 houses? HAHA. went up to find Val and Runfa on the 12th storey. end up eating the oranges. back down to meet the class. and back to school. waited at the canteen, and finally Old Chang Kee came. i ate alot. ps, I WAS FUCKING HUNGRY after the match. as always. thanks to MdmChan amd MrSee, other classes were obviously envious of us. HAHA. 4-1 were celebrating someone's birthday too. idk who. Lingyi came to our table and was like, "this class better. got chicken wing". they had cakes. well, we had the cake they had too. OMG. I TOTALLY LOVE EVERYTHING ABOUT MY CLASS. BE JEALOUS PEOPLE, FROM OTHER CLASSES. teeheeeeeee.

came home, and was thinking for hours about why i cried. so i realize that it was because i gave up in the game. i know it was impossible to catch up when we havent even hit 10 on the scoreboard, and they so near to the match point. the fact that they are PRESBYTERIAN HIGH SCHOOL, there are nothing that we can do to win with that kind of score. but. the true spirit is to not give up. i should have done my best till the last whistle. why didnt i? it was too much, till it was obvious that coach had to pull me out. i end up crying again. WHY ON EARTH CANT I GET RID OF THIS HABIT? gosh.

alright. i promise, i wont ever let that happen to me again. i am going to do my best, because this is what i always wanted to do. to play volleyball. it was myself who chose this path out of so many. i shall convince everyone that this is the right one.

January 25, 2011

Its Physics

January 23, 2011

Easy Come Easy Go

whats up. just came back home a while ago. went to AMK to get my new Ezlink card done. yea, i went alone. and everything was done even faster than i thought. shall consider going out alone more often. so im now home, getting dinner later. okay, making this quick, sorry for any typos. im going to continue with my Maths later.

Thursday, assembly, then AMaths lesson by MrSiva. hmmm. left class, and were having lunch with teammates, when they started talking about stuff we've done together and hilarious things we've been through. i've forgotten about somethings that they remembered. but when they talked about it, the pictures of those days came back. and i was laughing at myself. at the day that i tripped while chasing after a ball that flew away and fell flat onto the floor. and the second time, a similar ball. i chased it half way, and i stopped. i remembered that i tripped at that exact spot. everybody was laughing too, they have not forgotten it. typing this, im still smiling. omg. and some other stuff. all those days have gone by. i missed it. okay, went to PHS. ours were the first match. with Woodlands Sec. everyone didnt really play up to standard. the score wasnt like what i wanted to see at all. even though we won, i'm not as proud. we couldve done much more better. alright, im still proud of myself that i havent shed any tear this season. and hope it would be like this all the way. back to school, didnt want to go back to class. i didnt bring any material. and it was english. half an hour left. had to go back anyways. MrsLim were asking about the match too. i said we won but didnt do well, can do better. she was like, you guys won, but couldve done better. and then talks to the class. setting high standards. this is something you can learn from the volleyball girls. every pair of eyes were then on me. i was like, errrrr? and didnt dare to look up. paiseh, yknow.

training without coach. quite boring . and it ended earlier. came back home and yea, thats it.

Friday. went to PHS with Kianshen, Siewming and Xinpei after school to watch some other schools play. Yishun and Hougang was playing when we reach. they both took a set, and was playing the third. and hougang was leading. i really wanted Yishun to win, because i feel that the referee werent being fair. theres this ball, Yishun attacked and it landed obviously on the line or in, but i was fucking sure that it wasnt out. the referee gave the point to hougang. we were all like, wth? obviously Yishun's point right. most of the people there saw it too. gosh, feel like shouting referee kayu. but. obviously it has nothing to do with me. and i dont want to land myself into a problem. waht if he's the ref for our game? so i felt sorry for yishun. very. especially because some of them are my friends.

Saturday. training in the morning. Woodlands Primary volleyballers came. i must say the senior girls are good. i totally gave my thousand percent training. tried to do everything correctly, but ofcourse i havent got everything right. i was seriously tired, but i dont know why. i dont even feel like jumping to spike. jump spiking have been the best thing in volleyball for me. and now, i didnt feel like jumping? something must be wrong right. then i know that it wasnt only me. a few said they were tired too. but still, no idea why. anyways, all i have to say is i did my best. in anyway i could. a few know what my aim is, for working hard. i'll tell you if it comes true. :) rushed home to shower then headed to Serangoon with W2F8 to get a Phiten for Kas. so nice lah can? wanted to buy for myself too, but expensive like asdfghjkl. and i would be standing down soon. :( Xinpei and Xintien went own at AMK to get KOI, Kianshen, Minghwee, Siewming and i came to admiralty first. waited for them then headed to Kas's house. had fun sharing stories that we never knew. i felt good telling it out too. time to go home. Albert and Kasandra walked me to admiralty, and i took bus home. everybody was asleep when i reach home. it was 12 something. idk. haha. sissie were still on her way home. even worse right.

Today. had plenty of sleep, but i still am suffering from lack of sleep. seriously, how long more must i sleep to feel healthy again? i have been feeling like i need to sleep all the time. even now. gosh. went to AMK hub to get my new ezlink card. yes. again. i think ive spent over a hundred bucks on replacing a concession card. LOL. bus-ed back home. it was a serious long ride. felt like vomiting a few times, maybe it was too bumpy. back home. im going to do my maths and some revision now. so, blog again next time which i dont know when. goodbye.

January 19, 2011

TOO-EE-TION

stickies are the only thing im having during my study time. it helps, but too much aint good. itll make you fat. everybody knows that. LOL.

just came back from tuition. seriously, this is my first proper tuition in my life. the tuition teacher was pretty. very. so there werent many people, just Annie, Shafiq, Shuqri, Zikri, another guy from Woodlands sec and me. 6 of us. and i think im delaying the lesson. like, im the slow one there. i never thought id be this lousy. :( anyways, i liked the lesson. haha.

lost to Sembawang the other day, won Yishun yesterday. will be meeting Woodlands tomorrow. be ready, im gonna kill you guys. im telling straight that im confident that we're going to the second round. just wish us luck to get through the second round too alright? haha.

the purple sports bra i bought with Xinpei on Sunday is so nice! the colour, the design. omgomgomg. but a little too tight. i know its supposed to be, its SPORTS bra. anyways, i'm still excited to wear it again tomorrow. haha.

okay, i dont know why i'm even here blogging, when i have tons of homework lying on the table and stuffed in my bag waiting to be done. im watching America's got talent now. another trap. ohmygoddddddd. when can i be focused? i just said today that i will definitely do better than sissie in O's. someone even said not to be complacent. LOL. im so going to prove to that person, and do well in O's. right. thats the spirit. TEEHEE. but im sad to say that im so dead that i cant even solve sec three elementary maths. i take hours. and, emaths lesson today, we were doing standard deviation. i cant even solve it! wtf right? i was so upset. can i be any more stupid? freaking cried again. second time crying while to maths in class. i have no idea why those tears came so easily. grrrrr.

well, im going to buck up. cant wait to step down too. but, i still want to win this. so im not giving up. i have to work double hard. yes. cant procrastinate anymore okayyyyyyyy?

going to get a goodnight rest. byebye.

January 14, 2011

YOU GET? OK

the featuring song for the movie i watched. but i couldnt find the part that i was telling the team about. i thought it would be useful for the team to cheer up after today's match and stand up again.

theres this guy who wants to be a singer so badly. he went for an audition. but the judge said he didnt pass. he smiled. real wide. the judge were confused. "i said you didnt pass the audition. why are you smiling? are you crazy?" so the guy replied " my father once told me, if i lose but i still manage to smile, im better than the winner".

i had butterflies flying all around me and in my stomach this morning. couldnt eat breakfast properly. i was scared, i admit. but i know that we're better than the other team, as long as we believe, i think its true. throughout Chemistry and Physics lesson too. when it was time to go, i had the most butterfly in my tummy ever. it was everywhere. we reached PHS, and headed to the sports hall. watched PHS VS SJC a while. and did our warm ups, SMB came, and the game started.

we took the first set. it was tiring enough. the second were breathtaking. the score went up till 30. our match point came a few times, but we didnt take the opportunity. i would say it was a waste. really wasted. they took the second and third set. we lost. overall, i think we did well, but we werent at our best. we coulve done better. the game couldve been ours.

i would say that my performance today was 60-70 percent. which obviously was one of the games that i played better than normal, but i could have done better. first game for this season wasnt bad but not good either. but im still determined to win the other matches. North Zone top 4 must be ours. WOODLANDS RING.

anyways, there were a few supporter from WRS who cabbed down to watch us play. and MdmChan was there too. didnt expect her to come. but she was there. MrBen, our number 1 fan? he would always be there whenever he can. and he was doing his reservice! volleyball-in-charge teachers were all there.

alright. training tomorrow. sissie's not home yet. and im going to sleep soon. goodnight.

January 10, 2011

Demoralized

January 09, 2011

Endorphin

am totally in no mood to blog these days. honestly, i don't want to. blogging is the only way that im going to remember my past. yea, i don't write diaries. well, used to, irk? its lame, but i got lazy. and my diary is not even a quarter full. so i gave up writing diaries.

so my life aint any better. wenesday, thursday and friday. all the same. deadlines for holiday assignments are on fire at my ass. which i haven't completed any since then. sleeping really little each night. and its only the first week of school! i really felt like giving up school. LOL. its just a feeling okay? it wont happen. i want the O levels cert. it will be like one of the greatest achievement vie ever thought i would get. provided i get good grades. so im going to do my best this year. but i wont promise. my limit is really low. cant expect a lot from me academically. so i volunteered myself to be the class vice chairperson. but wasn't voted. sighs. so i made myself the green ambassador. the reason is, i want some leadership certificate in my student portfolio, and another point for my CCA report card. seriously, im going to use the word jealous. im jealous of the captains and councillors. for captains, especially Chaoxin and Xinpei. they got a point each year. and captains usually don't change for our team. maybe for other sport CCAs. so until now, they've gotten at least 4 points for being captains. and representing school? how many more? and plus other things. obviously compared to people like me, im like a nobody in school that plays only volleyball. the points i get most is from representing school for 4 years. and coming to councillors. my name were in the list. i went for the activities they organized, and the next day was supposed to be the interview. i fell sick. and that was the first time that i fell sick until i felt like i was going to faint. like, is this a sign that i shouldn't be a councillor? so until now, im jealous of councillors that they get many opportunities to do things, and the get points. imagine if i were to be one of them. by now i should have hit A1. okay, ive gotten another point this year. and i don't know what grade does that make.

alright. many Birthdays came crashing in this week and next. and im still busy with holiday assignments! the dead dead deadline is on monday. yes. and i still have Emaths, English and Geography to be done. thinking about it, i think i shouldn't even be blogging now. no time management huh? i really think im hopeless. will i be able to do anything in my life properly? like, anything. sighs.

anyways. had training yesterday. coach didn't come. she was sick. so throughout the training session, i think doing this is no point.

rushed home to shower. rushed to meet Kianshen and Minghwee at CausewayPoint. yea, to buy Siewming's birthday present. i thought they bought it already. but well, im glad i was there to choose between one and another of which to buy. it was like already 7, so we walked to Siewming's house. i thought we were late. but guess whuttt. no one reached yet. so we waited a while. went down to fetch Xinpwi and Xintien, then Albert. Kas couldn't come. :( so since W2F8 were formed, we haven't have an official meeting yet. so went went up to Siewming's house. and began our steamboat barbecue dinner. and i seriously whine over a crab stick. haha. because i was barbecuing it for so long, waiting for it to turn crispy. then Kianshen just took it. grrrrr! i waited so long! and it was the second last piece! so they gave me the last one, and Siewming went down to get 2 more packets of crab stick. haha. so i had the idea of barbecuing something else. i barbecued fishballs. didn't taste so bad after all. heeeeeee. after Siewming opened all the presents. Kianshen and Minghwee were doing magic tricks. i was really fascinated my Minghwee's trick. even after they kind of told me how. i still couldn't do it. so time flew. and before i knew it, it was 11.15. i had to reach home before 12! Albert had to reach home by 12 too. so we left Siewming's house and all went home. Albert sent me to the bus stop, and waited with me. waited for almost 20 minutes, and it didn't come until Albert had to leave. so i reached home later than 12. aunty didn't nag. surprising huh? or she didn't care anymore? if thats the case, id be more than happy.

January 04, 2011

Pause

Despondent

Its Physics

Easy Come Easy Go

TOO-EE-TION

YOU GET? OK

Demoralized

Endorphin

BAE YONG JOON

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